Wanna pack your bags, something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We're gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, baby
You and me together

You and I, we're not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We're gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, baby
You and me together

We can always look back at what we did
All these memories of you and me baby
But right now it's you and me forever
And you know we could do better than anything that we did
You know that you and me, we could do anything

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby

To the end of the world

i forgot i even had this thing... i dont even care that no one reads it, im probably gonna start using it again

been on a diet for a week, totally not working... hiked mt. beacon yesterday that was fun but exhausting and im sooo sore today. 1st year of college was good, but a lot of stuff changed, mostly in a bad way

cried a lot today... blah. me and bryan had our 3 year anniversary like a month & a half ago... way too much has happened between us for things to ever be the same again, hes so busy now with his band history repeats and his friend's band the buddha heroes, plus school is ending and he has a lot of work, i barely see him or talk to me anymore and it sucks

why am i so emo? im not using this journal anymore, it makes me sound like a 4 year old

He seemed dressed in all of me
Stretched across my shame
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have him to myself
Just to have him for myself

Now I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When he makes me sad

He is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable
He's a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When he makes me sad

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

I catch in my throat
Choke, torn into pieces
I won't, no
I don't want to be this

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me


Won't let this build up inside of me
Won't let this build up inside of me

He isn't real
I can't make him real
He isn't real
I can't make him real





:/
When did everything change so much? I must've missed the memo. I'm lost.

i was supposed to go to syracuse yesterday for my portfolio review, but i didn't because we had bad weather. we didn't have school. i went to Neko with emily jackie and emma for sushi. i didn't bring money. i hate sushi.

i am NOT okay, and i never was. ever since december when it really ended, i have not been okay. i've thought i was okay, but those moments passed too quickly and nothing is okay now. i cannot let go of him, i won't just give up on something that means so much to me. he likes another girl, and that hurts more than anything. i've pretty much been replaced. this week we had 3 days in a row where we were together all the time, and they were really good. we didn't fight, and i was so incredibly happy. i don't think he was though. i don't think i am capable of making him happy anymore and there is nothing i can do about it. but there's nothing i can do about being in love with him either, so i guess i'll have to suffer until either 1) he decides he was wrong and he wants to be together again, or 2) i die. 1 will never happen.

woooooo, jack johnson came out with a new sonnnng its great.

im deleting my lj, it reminds me of too much.

im okay now.
and i want to stay this way.

i guess im better off.
we both are.






:)

edit: i didnt delete my journal. i dont think i will.

life sucks, pretty much... ive been so depressed idk whats going on. bryan broke up with me and i havent stopped crying in 5 days. i dont how i could have made everything go so wrong. everything reminds me of him... i dont think i could feel any worse.

and jennas been sad lately and i dont like seeing my friend sad. things are kind of weird with her now that shes in college we're not as close as we used to be i guess. so much is changing, i hate it.

im going to bed.

yo yoooo. im supposed to be writing an essay right now but im not. im too tired and i hate english and mrs deleo.

todayyy was the best day ive had in a while. work was pretty fun, i like working there. im glad i do cause i make a lot of money. i spent all my tip money (87$) today though after work. me and artie went out to dinner and me being the best sister ever, i paid. and then i had to get stuff at cvs and i had to get gas. dinner was like 45 bucks and gad was 25 and other stufffff. i hate spending money but im glad it was my own money and i earned it.

sooooo yeah...going to bed i guess. nite.

everything has been going wrong lately, i'm so unhappy. me and bryan are back together and i feel like we're not. he's so different then he used to be, and i'm really trying to change and make him happy, but nothing is working. i feel like he doesn't even want to be together because he's been so distant and indifferent about everything. it's making me crazy. i just wanted things to be better and i'm really working at it, but he only sees the bad things i do and never the good. we argue still, but i've been trying to think about things before i say them so i don't regret anything and hurt him. i feel like that's all i've ever done. i feel like i'm always being put down by people. the only good thing that's happened lately is the A- i got on my first english essay. i got the highest grade in my class and i'm really proud of that. but i haven't talked to my dad since last week, i've been fighting with my friends a lot more than i ever have before, my mom's going to florida tomorrow for 5 days...i've just been feeling so alone and it really sucks. i feel so depressed and i'm tired of trying to be happy and failing at every attempt. every time something slightly good happens, something else brings me down and i forget about being happy in the first place. i don't even talk to my friends about stuff anymore, and bryan just doesn't ever seem to care. he says he does but i don't know how i can believe him when i don't feel it at all. i want him to care, and i want to feel like he cares. i just don't anymore. i feel like i've messed up so many times that he's just given up on me. i don't want him to give up. i really am a good person and i want him to see that because he means so much to me and i don't think he knows. i'm even fighting with jenna right now, and that's never happened before. i feel so out of it, like everything is wrong. nothing feels right anymore.

EVERYTHING SUCKS.........BAD. i seriously dont even see the point of being alive anymore........................fgjbghxjf ygfewtytrgfyujasgfaeiurewgtehfbdshbvxbvvvvvxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx whyyyyyy do i fuck EVERYTHINGGGG upppppppppppppppp.................i alwayyys hurt the poeple that mean the most to me............why?!?!....................dfhufsyufgsgfsgfefyegfgefy7gefy.

i love my friends and family so much and i don't think i ever take the time to tell them and maybe one day i will. i should tell them more often. i love the people in my life so much and i don't think any of them know how much and i think sometimes i take everyone for granted. :/
especially bryan. he's been there for me for the longest time and i feel like i've known him all my life even though its only been about a year and a half, but its probably been the most important and meaningful year and a half of my life. i've taken him for granted in the past and i realize that was probably the biggst mistake i've ever made because i need him right now, and he's not there anymore. i mean he is, but i've damaged our relationship so much i don't think anything will ever be the same. i regret a lot of it...i'm sorry for everything. so much has happened lately and i've realized some things and i think a lot is changing, good and bad, whether i like it or not. i need to grow up.

"in three words i can sum up everything i've learned about life: it goes on." - robert frost

IT HAS BEEN SO COLD THE PAST FEW DAYS! i dont know whats going on but i kind of like it :)

i have a job now! im working at my uncles cafe on main street as a busgirl for now and then a waitress when i get more experienced. its kind of fun, and i get tips :)

and i got a hair cut...but its not that noticeable. and i get tutored now...mostly cause the SATs are october 6 and i want to do better on math. i feel good :)

except for a few things, lifes pretty sweet right now. im sick though, which sucks big time...i have a cough and ive been sneezing w. runny nose nonstop. its not fun :(

im off to do homework...night!

soooooooo summer's over, and we go to school tomorrow. i went on tuesday but it was only juniors and seniors so it wasn't bad. and i get out at 11:40 :] pretty excitinggggggg. i think this school year is going to be okay. i'm happy it's my last year, though. i can't waittttttt to go to college :]

me & bryan are okay. we broke up and we're back together now, so everything's good. i don't like to think about how many times we've broken up, whether it was me or him who did it...but rather the time we spent together when we were going out, cause that's what's important. i like spending time with him :] <3

i'm ouuuuuut.
payyyce

one of my best fucking friends ever is leaving... all i want to do is cry. i think i've cried 4 times just today. words can't describe how much i'm going to miss her. :'( tomorrow we're all going to the fair- me, emma, emily and jenna & then we're going to eat after... and thinking about it makes me really sad cause things are gonna change after this. i know we'll always be friends, but things will just be different. and i can't even explain how much that sucks. i love my friends to death. <3

i'm just so sad. :'(

i got my car back : ) the friday after the accident i got it. yeahh so that wasnt that bad.

i loveeee summer but i still need a job : ( im running out of money!

I LOVE BRYAN <3<3

MY CARRRRRRRR IS DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
stupid spanish lady

the bumper fell off cause i hit someone :( boooooooooo it sucks


I LOVVEEE BBRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYANN <333333 forever and ever and ever bbysss

tests are overrrr, summer is officially here! today was the first day of summer and the longest day of the year. i wanted to go out and do stuff but the only time i ended up leaving the house was to go to applebee's with artie and my mommy. :(

i'm rearranging my room and i spent all day cleaning! it's kind of nice throwing out old stuff. and i'm getting rid of half of my wardrobe cause i don't wear like 3/4 of the clothes i have and they just take up space. and every time i clean my room i feel really good, like my whole life is clean. it's so weird.

i can't wait for vacations! me and jenna are going to montauk july 26th for 5 days! i'm gonna miss her when she goes to college. :( but oneonta is only 2 hours away so i'm gonna try to visit her as much as possible. and then we're going to the adirondacks august 6-8 i think. and i'm gonna ask my mom if i can go to georgia for a couple days to see stacy and jess. that would be awesome. i probably won't end up going though, cause i don't have any money for plane tickets. :(

ahhhh i'm so tired and sick. i hate allergies. :( i have not been able to breathe for like 6 days and it really sucks. going to bed is so hard cause i keep coughing and sneezing and it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep.

I LOVE SUMMER!

sooooo school is over, that's mad cool. i'm sad that i only have one year left of highschool though, it all went by so fast. next year is gonna be like lightning speeeeeeeed! :( i hate it now, but i know once i'm gone i'm gonna miss highschool a lot. ohhh the memories.

i am so lame.

anyway today was cool...we didn't do anything in school but after, me, jackie, emma, and emily went to wendy's and we saw isaiah and jamir & judy...it was like english class! um then i came home and fell asleep for like an hour and then i picked up bryan <3, we went to wendy's (again!) and then i went to his house for like 20 minutes. i loveee him.

andddd now i'm home and boredddd but i should go to sleep cause i have to get up at like 7:30 to drive artie and shawn to school. ahhhhhhhhhh i hate waking up early. thank god the chem and us history regents are in the afternoon. :)

i'm off to bed, night night <3

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life




I love you more than life <3

"i'm just a bad boy gone clean" i love mase

i got my license! :)

TODAYYYYYYYYYYYY
was so much fun, i spent allllll day with my bby <3 and it was amazing. we went to rons, then cvs, then wendys thennn back to my casa and we watched a movie (sorta) and fell asleep but it was reallllly hot :( i wish it wasnt so hot. now im cold.

then we picked up jackie and went to the diner then i dropped jack off and went to bryans FOR 20 MINUTES BUT 20 MINUTES IS BETTER THAN NO MINUTES :) :) :) <3

now i missssss himmmmmm. i dont really miss jackie. but i miss bryan a lot a lot a lot.

I LOVVVVEE BRYYYAAANN ANDRREEWWWWW BRENNAANNN FOR EEVVVEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR <3